A newlywed couple just moved into their new house.
One day, the wife asked her husband, "Honey, one of the bathroom pipes is leaking. Could you fix it?"
The husband looked at his wife and said, "Do I look like a plumber?"
A few days went by and his wife asked for a favour. "Honey, the car won't start. I think it needs a new battery. Could you change it for me?"
"Do I look like a mechanic?"
A couple weeks later, the wife found a leak in the roof. "Honey, there's a leak on the roof. Can you please fix it?"
"Do I look like Bob The Builder?" He sat down with a beer and watched a game on TV.
One rainy weekend, the husband realized the leak on the roof was gone. He went to the bathroom and found that the pipe behind the sink wasn't leaking anymore either.
When his wife returned home, the husband asked, "Honey, how come there aren't any more leaks and the car's running?"
She replied nonchalantly, "Oh, the other day I ran into one of our new neighbours, Jon. What a nice man. He came over and fixed everything.
"Wow, did he charge us anything?"
"No, he said he'd do it for free if I either cooked him a meal or had sex with him."
"Cool. What kind of a dish did you make?"
"Dish? What the hell, do I look like a Chef?"